I am back from the most unique vacation I have ever been on. I went to the beach. (My favorite place- Any beach will do as long as there is sun, sand and ocean.) But I went alone. No computer, and absolutely nothing I ‘needed’ to work on. Just me, some books I’d been wanting to read, my Bible and my notebook (and my cell phone- I can’t be totally gadget free).
Jon suggested the vacation, not just because I needed a break from my routine, but because I’m at a critical spot in my faith. God and I are wrestling through some major issues (I suppose, in truth, I’m the only one wrestling. He’s waiting for me to get it.) I feel like the father in Mark 9:24 who cries out to Jesus in desperation over his demon-possessed son, “Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!” I know there are gaps in my faith, but I want a deep, intimate, intense relationship with God. So I went away with God.
I was ready for a Damascus Road experience with God. In fact, I walked out to the beach when I arrived and said, “God, what do You want to tell me?” He said two things. (Now when I say ‘God said’, I don’t mean I heard Him with my ears. What I got was a distinct, fresh thought in my mind.) God said, “You are worthy because I chose you.” I’ve got a lot of emotional baggage and struggle with self-worth issues. God knows this and He wants me to understand my worthiness rests with Him, and not me. Because of that, nothing I do (or don’t do) can change my worth. He imputes that worth to me just as sure as He gives righteousness and salvation.
The second thing came as I watched a mother hold her little boy’s hands, helping him jump over the incoming waves. God said, “I will not stop the waves, but I will never let go of your hand.” He knows that any time I read His word, especially in Psalms that the descriptions of waves or floods always mean some of this emotional turmoil I battle on occasion. Apparently, the battle will never end this side of heaven, but He will never abandon me, never leave me to fight for myself, never let me be swept under.
Those were two powerful statements for me. Then God didn’t speak again for six days… But I’ll save that story for another post.