It was almost exactly two years ago. It was a Sunday morning. Church was canceled for snow or ice or something. Jon and I discovered God had impressed us both, strongly, about adoption. It was clear. We were sure, and we got to work. We investigated agencies. We filled out forms, saw doctors, bought a different car, set aside money. Here we are, though, no closer to accomplishing what we believe God called us to do.
Maybe it’s just me, but I had an expectation that things would go a little more smoothly. I mean, if God is that clear in His instruction, doesn’t it make sense to believe that He has gone ahead of us, that He’s smoothed out the path, that He’s working in the details to accomplish the purpose He so clearly revealed? I thought it made sense.
And so, if we’re here, two years later, wouldn’t it make sense to suspect that maybe we were wrong? Maybe adoption wasn’t what God called us to do at all. Maybe there was some wire that got crossed, some idea that we had that we just hung God’s name on. Maybe that’s what happened. If that was the case, then naturally we wouldn’t trust the voice of God any more, that we would doubt and second guess and hesitate.
Or maybe we did something wrong, wrong enough that God shut the whole process down. He’s unhappy or displeased with us, and until we confess, and make up for it somehow, we’ll be spinning our wheels for who knows how long. Right? Doesn’t that make sense?
No. It’s an expectation – my expectation, at that – fueled by a misinterpretation, propped up by insecurity. God’s gracious response to that wasn’t condemnation, but confirmation that yes, adoption was exactly what He had in mind for us. Sometimes God’s call is as much about the journey as it is about the ultimate fulfillment. I think this is one of those times.
Will we trust God just as much when He tells us to wait as we did when He said move? So far the answer is no. Maybe He wants us to get to yes. Maybe He just wants us to understand that the patient, obedient waiting was the whole point. I don’t know.
But I am confident that as I strive to learn His ways, to follow His paths, to grasp His truth … I’m going to have to let go of my expectations, and my insecurities. I’m going to have to infuse my misinterpretations with discernment. And I’m going to have to learn to wait.