I hope you are having a great summer. It dawned on me a couple of weeks ago that this may be the last summer I have all my kids at home. It could happen next summer, but then again, my college-age daughter may have a job somewhere besides here. While I’d love to tell you the reason I haven’t been posting is that I’ve got a brand new series of books drafted (I don’t) … Or we signed a movie deal and I’ve spent all my free time working out those details (I didn’t) … The truth is, it has been a challenging summer on a lot of fronts.
I did get to make a quick trip to the ER with chest pain and other heart attack-ish symptoms BUT further testing confirmed it is NOT a cardiac thing. My blood sugar has also been flirting with crossing a life-changing line. So far, adding another day of running and making sure I get in at least 4 miles has been the most effective strategy for keeping on the good side of the line.
Then the air conditioner went out. Seventeen days we were without because of a special order part. There wasn’t a lot of desk work going on during that time. I’m not sure how spiritual my posts would have been anyway, so it’s probably just as well that I didn’t try to write.
The biggest challenge of the summer may be trying to figure out what God is doing with us. My husband has been interviewed twice about taking a church as pastor, with no real progress or movement. While all that wasn’t sorting itself out, we had an opportunity open up, something that seemed a perfect fit for us. Then the door slammed. Hard. Bewilderingly hard. And the only answer I could offer my kids as they struggled, trying to understand, was that ultimately God is good.
There’s a story in the 2 Samuel 6 where King David decides to bring the ark up to Jerusalem and during the transport, one of the oxen stumbled. A man named Uzzah, fearing the ark would be dumped on the ground, reached out and touched the ark to steady it. And immediately he was struck dead. David was angry because of God’s outburst of wrath. He was afraid of God, and he wasn’t sure what to do next.
No one dropped dead at my house–thankfully–but a dream, a plan was cut down in a moment. I can identify with that sense of spiritual vertigo where the God I thought I knew and understood proved that He doesn’t operate according to my will but on His own divine plan and schedule. In the midst of all the other challenges, He issued His own:
Will you follow me even when I don’t reveal what I’m doing?
Will you follow me when it’s not the path you would choose?
Will you stay on the path when you don’t see any results?
The easy answer, the right answer is yes. But a more honest answer, perhaps, is I’m a little gun-shy right now. Let me think about it.
So I didn’t post. The words simply weren’t there. I could have reposted from the archives I guess, but even that seemed a little fake to me. I’d like to tell you there was a profound revelation. I think it was more like God saying, “Are you through, now?” In a perfect world, I’d go spend a week at the beach and we’d sort through this. I have a retreat to prep for. Maybe the answers will come then. In any case, thanks for understanding.
Oh, the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are His judgments and His ways past finding out! “For who has known the mind of the LORD? Or who has become His counselor?” Romans 11:33-34