Search me O God and know my heart…
Search… Strong’s defines it as examine intimately, or penetrate. God shines His brilliant, all pervasive holiness into all the corners of my heart and mind. That’s unsettling, unnerving. When He does that here’s what He finds
- Hollow motives, times I’ve done what I “should” not because I wanted to, but because I figured I ought to. No joy.
- Failure to follow through, times I’ve known what God’s word says, but I’ve stopped short of full obedience. I skated by. I caved. I wimped out. No power.
- Self-centeredness, greater concern for myself, my comfort, my reputation than for God’s glory. No compassion.
- Despair, that ‘why bother- nothing’s every going to change anyway’ feeling. I give up or stop trying. No faith.
Those are the kinds of things that make me want to slink out of God’s presence. These are the things that Satan points out to me, to mock and accuse and defeat. God, however, redeems.
He knew what He was getting with me, and He declares without wavering, “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you. Before you were born I sanctified you.” (Jeremiah 1:5) I am chosen, set apart for His purposes. He also knew exactly what was in my heart all along, before the search ever began.
So why make me go through this searching process? To bring me to a place of intimate trust. So that I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that in spite of all that He finds, He loves me and He will never give up on me.