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Home » shame

Secrets

By Paula

He reveals deep and secret things; He knows what is in the darkness, And light dwells with Him. Daniel 2:22

According to a study published earlier this year, the average person is holding on to at least thirteen secrets, five of which they’ve never told another living soul. These aren’t what-I-got-you-for-Christmas kind of secrets, either. They are heavy, burdensome secrets, like lies told, trusts violated, marriage vows broken, and crimes committed ranging from theft to assault. Thirteen of them.

We expend tremendous mental energy to keep them hidden, only to have the memory and regret assault us in our quietest, private moments. The guilt and shame associated with the secrets come out as anger and irritability. Secret-keepers can become bullies or manipulators, protecting the secret at all costs. Sometimes the cost is loss of relationships. Sometimes it’s loss of health. Occasionally, tragically, secret-keepers have taken their own lives rather than face exposure.

We have lived in fear of exposure of our secrets and our sins since Eden. But we don’t have to.

We are invited and encouraged to bring those secrets to Christ. In Matthew 11:28 Jesus called for all who were burdened to come to Him for rest, whether burdened by the standards of the Law or burdened by failure – even secret failure – to live up to it. Peter echoes that in 1 Peter 5:6-7 “Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.”

Letting go of our secrets requires humility. We have to own our secrets and the failures behind them. Primarily I mean owning them before God. (There are undoubtedly times when confession to others is in order, but public humiliation is rarely helpful.) When we do, God does an amazing thing — He covers them. He doesn’t hide them again under layers of shame, but He covers them with His love and His righteousness. Theologically, this is called atonement. God acted it out when He covered Adam and Eve with animal skins. He gave it to Israel in an object lesson when the broken law tablets in the ark were covered with the blood of the sacrifice. He completed the covering when Christ died and atoned for our sins.

Letting go of our secrets requires trusting God. We have to trust that He will keep His promise to cover the secrets, (He will) that He won’t cast us out when we ask. (He won’t). Romans 10:11 and John 6:37 assures us. God knows all of our deep dark secrets, and He has taken action to deal them, beginning with Adam and Eve and continuing to the present day.

Letting go of our secrets requires letting go. It sounds obvious but sometimes this is the hardest part. We have long memories and much more experience with the conditional, incomplete forgiveness and acceptance that others offer, rather than the total atonement God gives us. In Isaiah 54:4 God promises He won’t shame us again. For those of us who have carried secrets as an integral part of our selves, it takes time to grasp that God has taken them and we no longer have to carry the burden for ourselves. It can be a hard habit to break. Added to that, one of Satan’s lines of attacks is to try and convince us that we still deserve our shame.

The writer of Hebrews reminds us that we have a Great High Priest as our advocate and as a result, we can boldly, confidently approach God’s throne to obtain (not just ask for, but receive) grace and mercy when we need it. (Hebrews 4:14-16) Even … and especially when it comes to dealing with our secrets.

 

 

Filed Under: Thursday Theology Tagged With: 1 Peter, Hebrews, humility, Isaiah, John, Matthew, Romans, shame

Not Disappointed

By Paula

DisappointedThe LORD has appeared of old to me, saying: “Yes, I have loved you with an everlasting love; Therefore with lovingkindness I have drawn you.” Jeremiah 31:3

Not too long ago, my youngest thought she would play a joke on her brother. It was a bad idea, and ended up backfiring horribly, requiring a little parental intervention. We talked and moments later, when I thought it was all over, she dissolved into tears. When I asked her why she said, “You’re disappointed in me.”

But, that wasn’t what I said. In fact I was very careful not to say those words because of the effect they can have. I was disappointed with the choice she made. Just hours before, I told her I loved her and I was so glad she was mine. Swallowed up by shame, those words were a distant memory.

Of course, the lesson, the application here made itself plainly obvious even before my little one slid off my lap. I reflexively embrace shame rather than grace and delight. I am all too quick to believe, and all too certain that God is disappointed with me, with who I am. I am far too quick to forget His gentle words of love, His kind assurances and His boundless love.

God is not fickle. His love is not performance-based. It doesn’t wax or wane based on how many commandments I keep in a day. It is complete and absolute. He loved me from eternity past. He pursued me and drew me to Him. That will not change. It cannot change.

This is the God who provided for Adam and Eve, the God who wept over Jerusalem, the God who took on flesh to die in my place. The evidence of His love is overwhelming. Except in my imagination. In those moments, just like the little snuggled on my lap, I can’t rely on what I think or what I feel. I have to rest in what He said. He said, “Yes, I have loved you with an everlasting love.”

 

 

 

 

 

Filed Under: Thursday Theology Tagged With: God, Jeremiah, love, shame

Hiding From God

By Paula

 

Boy in the cornerIn Genesis 3:9, after Adam and Eve realized their sin and hid, God calls, "Where are you?"  The answer…?
 
Hiding from God.
 
Knowing I can't fix this myself, in fear and shame, I'm hiding from the only One who can.
 
I'm consumed by the lies that You can't or You won't love me any more after what I've done.
 
I'm cutting myself off from healing and peace.
 
You know all this, but…
 
You're. Still. Seeking.
 
Me.
 
So why am I hiding?

 

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Filed Under: Monday Meditations Tagged With: Adam and Eve, fear, Garden of Eden, Genesis, shame

Shameless

By Paula

The key to authentic Christian faith is an honest assessment of who I am. I have to grasp that everything I have is a result of Christ’s work and not any merit of my own. However, that’s nothing to be ashamed of. There’s nothing I can say or do to make God love me any more. However, I can’t do anything to cause Him to stop loving me.
I love the story of the prodigal son, and the father’s unfailing, unconditional love for his son. Many times though, I’ve wondered what it must have been like to be that boy in that moment before he walked into the banquet his father threw in his honor. Was he uncomfortable? Did he feel like he was home, or was he ashamed to face the rest of his family and friends?  I’m not sure I could have walked into the banquet.
God speaks to His enemies in Isaiah 65:13  “Behold, My servants shall rejoice, but you shall be ashamed.”
Joy is a confidence that is future focused.  No matter what happens NOW, I know what will be. (Through faith, I know it.) Shame dwells on the past.  Shame says, Because of what happened THEN, I know what I am. (Through experience or through someone else telling me, I know it.) Joy is to trust God. Shame is to trust man -whether self or someone else. Joy is empowering. Shame is debilitating. Shame comes from the outside, joy from within.
Being one of God’s children cannot co-exist with being ashamed. He removed all my shame when the salvation transaction was completed. I’m the only one who can allow the shame back. I must not pick up the baggage.

briefcaseThe key to authentic Christian faith is an honest assessment of who I am. I have to grasp that everything I have is a result of Christ’s work and not any merit of my own. However, that’s nothing to be ashamed of. I can’t say or do anything to make God love me any more. I can’t do anything to cause Him to stop loving me, either.

I love the story of the prodigal son, and the father’s unfailing, unconditional love for his son. Many times though, I’ve wondered what it must have been like to be that boy in that moment before he walked into the banquet his father threw in his honor. Was he uncomfortable? Did he feel like he was home, or was he ashamed to face the rest of his family and friends?  I’m not sure I could have walked into the banquet.

God speaks to His enemies in Isaiah 65:13  “Behold, My servants shall rejoice, but you shall be ashamed.”

Joy is a confidence that is future focused.  No matter what happens NOW, I know what will be. (Through faith, I know it.) Shame dwells on the past.  Shame says, Because of what happened THEN, I know what I am. (Through experience or through someone else telling me, I know it.) Joy is to trust God. Shame is to trust man -whether self or someone else. Joy is empowering. Shame is debilitating. Shame comes from the outside, joy from within.

Being one of God’s children cannot co-exist with being ashamed. He removed all my shame when the salvation transaction was completed. I’m the only one who can allow the shame back. When Satan delivers it to my doorstep, it may be labelled failure, or regret, or a label I’m not expecting. No matter what, I must not pick up the baggage.

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Filed Under: Authenticity Challenge Tagged With: authenticity, Isaiah, prodigal, shame

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